Style Invitational Week 1242: Generation Yux — give us a then/now joke Last time we did this contest, it was about aging boomers. Now it’s millennials. And aging boomers. Then: Men getting hair plugs. Now: Men getting hair plucked. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment August 24 Follow @PatMyersTWP // (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning D-E-F phrases) *Then: Men getting hair plugs.* *Now: Men getting hair plucked.* *Then: Baked Alaska.* *Now: Baked in Alaska.* ** *Then: “The Kids Are Alright.”* *Now: The kids are alt-right.* Yeah, we’ve been around awhile. Pair your pizza and pinot right across your shirt — heck, it's going to end up there anyway. This week’s second-prize package. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post ) In Week 303, in 1999, the Empress’s predecessor, the Czar, ran a contest called “Boom Times,” asking readers to “come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation.” The results were classic; the winner, by Elden Carnahan: “Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip joint.” (See the rest in this week’s Style Conversational column at wapo.st/conv1242 .) Eighteen years later, there’s a new generation reading the Invite, but lots of the original models are still around — including, like Elden, some of the entrants who got ink in Week 303. Which prompted Biggest Loser Ever Chris Doyle to suggest a multigenerational update. *This week: Give us a “then/now” joke* like Chris’s examples above — about (a) getting older or (b) comparing a past generation with the current one, no matter whether you, personally, are a “then” or a “now.” Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1242* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial ,* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place receives a fabulous *Total Nerd Party Two-Pack:* a holster from which you suspend your wineglass in front of your belly, thus allowing you to dribble your spanakopita crumbs straight into the merlot; and, courtesy of Loser Edward Gordon, a Pizza Pouch, for all those times you need to carry one small slice of pizza across your torso. (Our tip: Don’t get extra cheese.) The holster is dead serious; the pouch, sold by an outfit called Stupidiotic, a tad less so. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 4; results published Sept. 24 (online Sept. 21). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *DEFinitions: Report from Week 1238 *In Week 1238 we continued three-letter abbreviating through the alphabet with some DEF, FED, EDF, etc., phrases. Some of the inking entries below are a bit of a stretch, but the Empress put on her YJPs — her Yoga Judging Pants — and flexed a little. Not surprisingly, many of the entries contained various forms of the f-word. They canceled one another out. 4th place: *EDF: Electoral District Freshening:* Oh, “gerrymandering” sounds so unsavory. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) 3rd place: *EDF: Elf Defies Fate:* Jeff Sessions’s tagline on memos as he keeps his job for one more week. (As of press time.) (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.) 2nd place and the pink rubber octopus fingers : *DEF: “Don’t Even” Face: *“I was just about to float the idea of having the guys over for poker night, but I got the DEF.” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *FED: Flagrantly Elementary Deduction:* Printable euphemism for “No @#$#, Sherlock.” (Peter Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.) Lo-DEF: Honorable mentions *Defenders of Flat Earth: *“Our members are fighting for truth around the globe.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *Domestic Fish Eggs:* Low-rent caviar — a.k.a. “skid roe.” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) *Deflate Foxboro Egos:* Message preprinted at the top of Roger Goodell’s daily planner since January 2015. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.) *Dry-Fried Epidermis.* Somehow “chicharrones” just sounds better. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *Duh-Face Emoji: *A snarky response to Mom’s painfully obvious text messages. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *Duplicity For Everyone: *You can fool all of the people some of the time, so let’s go ahead and do that. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *Extraterrestrial Defense Fund: *Established in Roswell, N.M., to assist illegal aliens. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) *Electronic Deposit Fairy:* She puts the tooth money right into the kids’ bank accounts. (Julia Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.) *Escalators Down Forever: *Revised, pragmatic Metro repair schedule. (David Friedman, Santa Clara, Calif., an ex-Arlingtonian) *Expressive Digit Fluency: *Sign-language requirement for cabbies. (Jon Gearhart) *“Emailing For Dollars”: *The most popular game show in Nigeria. (Jesse Frankovich) *Elaborate Fling Denial:* “I can overexplain everything!” (Tom Witte) *Ever-Fluid Disclosure:* “Meeting? What meeting? There was no . . . Oh, yeah . . . there was a meeting – but no one important was there. Except a Russian or two. All we talked about was adoption. Emails? Specifying ‘oppo research’ on Hillary? There were no — Oh, right . . . there were some emails. But no one we know was included. Except . . . maybe Don Jr. And Kushner. And Manafort . . .” (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) *Ego-Feeding Department: *One federal agency that’d be sure to be fully funded. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Ex Facie Donaldus* (“From the face of Donald”): Bracketed term used to indicate that the previous statement is an obvious lie. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) *Ex Flagrante Delicto: *Caught cheating on your spouse, with your former spouse. (Mark Raffman) *EFD: *“What do you mean I’m a /B-/FD? I’m ENORMOUS.” (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.) *Freeze-Dried Escargot: *What French astronauts eat. (Jesse Frankovich) *Fairy Dust Economics.* How to cut taxes and still reduce the budget deficit by 2020. (Mark Raffman) *Fatal Dating Error:* “So, I’ve asked my mother to join us for dinner.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) *Flog Deceased Equine:* “ ‘Here’s our 873rd piece on Benghazi,’ Fox announced in yet another FDE.” (Duncan Stevens) *Franklin Delano Eisenhower: *“Probably the third-greatest president after Abe and me.” — D.J.T. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) *Foreign Dignitaries’ Entrance: *The back door of the White House. (Josh Feldblyum, Philadelphia) *Females for Erectile Dysfunction:* Women of a certain age who, quite frankly, have had enough already. (Nan Reiner) *Front End Deficiency: *Marketing-agency term for a breast that does not meet Hollywood standards. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) *Firing Every Day:* “Mr. President, what will be your main focus for the remainder of your term?” “I’m gonna keep going with the FED.” (Stephen Gold, London) *Flat-Earth Day:* The unit of time it takes the world to flip over twice. (Jesse Frankovich) *Danger! Flailing Elephants!: *Warning sign posted outside the Capitol. (Julia Shawhan) *Executive Daily Flattery: * That folder presented to the president twice a day with only positive articles about him. (Lynne Ann Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.) *Emergency Fruitcake Delivery:* A post-Christmas service provided by regifting centers. (Chris Doyle) *Funky Diaper Examination: *A close encounter of the turd kind. (Chris Doyle) *Facebook Etiquette Directive:* Don’t feed the trolls! (Chris Doyle) *Fidelity Enthusiasm Depletion: *Malaise that commonly affects marriages after several years (or three months for those involving professional entertainers, athletes or Kardashians). (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) /And Last:/ *Failed-Entry Dumpster: *The Empress’s trash can. “Welp, another whole page for the FED.” (Chris Doyle) *Still running — deadline Monday, Aug. 28: Our contest to fill in a partial crossword. See wapo.st/invite1241 .*